I have Faith, God gives me Freedom!
God is asking me to "return to my first love". It's hard to do that when I am not in the same place I was in life when I had my first love. He has brought me so far from that place, and honestly, I don't want to go back.
But, I do want the same love I had for Him then. I search for that on a daily basis. I really want that "closeness" I felt then, and the joy of each step He brought me as I left that dark place in my life.
Sometimes, if I forget, or if I find things being trite and ... well, frankly, boring...God will pull the rug out from under me to make me remember what life was like when I was struggling and needed His power. He makes me realize that without Him I am nothing. He shows me that I still need His power as much now as I did back then, and all that I am and all that I become is to HIS glory and will and pleasure, not mine.
Being happy and enjoying the life He has provided me is just icing on the cake.
There are so many times that I thought it was "over" for me - that I was done for, that I had failed, that there was no hope for recovery from the fall. But, then, God steps in and all of a sudden I see light in the darkness. I hear the voice of God through all that is happening saying, "Watch this!" and "You just THINK I'm done with you now" and "I speak LIFE, not DEATH".
Four days ago, I had no idea if I would recover from a transmission failure in my car. I was already struggling to catch up from not having my tags for five months. All the hope I saw just flickered out when I was told my transmission was gone.
It would cost me anywhere from $3K to $5K to fix it unless God stepped in. I prayed that the Warranty would kick in. It was my only hope.
God made me wait for that. I was devastated, and sweating. Homelessness was now inevitable. I was about to lose EVERYTHING. Bad things always find a way of finding me. Every dream I have ever had and every plan I had ever wanted badly to see to fruition has always crumbled in front of me. Why should this time be different?
But, God said, "Because this time, I call the shots. This time, your dreams are MINE. Watch this..."
I suddenly felt peace, along with anxiety...but mostly peace.
By the end of today, or tomorrow at the latest, I should see my dreams come back to life with an energy it didn't have four days ago. It's like oxygen has been blown onto the fading embers. A raging fire is born again.
And, He is answering SO MANY prayers that I have prayed to Him for through all of this.
I will continue to live the American Dream through faith and freedom as abundantly as He gives me the ability to!